It's the motion of the Ocean
by Mrs.HarryPotter12
Summary: Ron deals with his pregnant wife, goes shopping, spys on Harry and Ginny, and finds out Harry has a weird STD? Does Harry have green balls or is it just a HUGE misunderstanding? Will Hermione shoot Ron for being a snoop? Read find out what causes back pr


A quick little one-shot to relieve exam stress...

Disclaimer:  
Trelaweny: On the first months ninth day a story will be written. This author will have borrowed characters from the great J.K.R and will like to not be sued. She will make no claim to the characters, only the plot.

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The Motion of the Ocean

(Ron's pov)

Wow I really don't understand women… It was a Sunday afternoon and I was walking down Main Street in Diagon Alley with my wife of one year, Hermione.

She pulled out a pinkish lipstick and applied it. Then she took out a lip gloss of a 'similar' color and applied it. Now, you might be thinking, "Hermione doesn't wear lip gloss…" well yes that was true until she became pregnant and also became determined to look her best even if she was the size of a beached whale.

"Mione why did you put on two of the same thing?" I asked.

"Ron this lipstick is berry blush and this gloss is so pink… goodness."

"Right! My mistake" _Like any male on the plant could tell the difference. _She then proceeded to drag me into all the many baby stores. We were "looking for nonsexist educational baby toys and accessories." I do believe she thinks this child will be born ready to read. But then again it is Hermione's child. However, it will have something like 1/16 of Fred and Georges blood. Lucky it. I think if our child turned out like Fred and George Hermione is liable to sell it to the circus.

A circus being a strange muggle place where dad took us when we were little. We saw a woman completely covered in hair and her children. I then got a slap for asking, "Oh so some man slept with _her?_" Well someone did.

But we'd been shopping for nearly five hours. Wait did I say '_we_?' Well actually Hermione had been shopping. I was just the bag holder. She wouldn't let me near our child's room with a ten-foot broomstick. Not like our child will EVER see a broomstick. Harry and I will probably have to sneak it out in the middle of the night to fly.

And speaking of Harry… Harry is currently dating my sister. And, much to my displeasure, shagging her too. But what can I do? Harry bloody Potter just: defeated Voldemort, won the world quidditch cup, been on the cover of ten magazines, been voted sexiest man alive, and moved into 'the Potter Estate.' Needless to say the man is a bit intimidating.

But after looking at baby stuff (and buying enough to use up my entire Cannons pay check) we went to get Hermione some new clothes. She was working with muggles in the next few months and she needed some new muggle clothes. Which was just an excuse to buy more shoes. You see, she developed this sort of shoe fetish when she became pregnant because her feet were the only thing that didn't change. So she would drag me to infinite shoe stores buying shoes that would just give her back problems later in life.

Then, finally after hours of shopping, we went back to the burrow where we were staying while our house was being renovated. We apperated into the kitchen and heard an excited squeal from my Mum.

"Oh Hermione dear let me take that bag!" she said not taking any of the twenty I was carrying. I said, "Oh don't worry about me…" but through all the bags it sounded more like, "bo ont 'orry tout eee" Hermione and Mum then shooed me upstairs. I met Fred and George on the stairs.

"Brother good fellow!" George (or maybe Fred) cried.

They took some bags and helped me to my and Mione's room.

"Guess what?" Fred asked bouncing on his toes like a five-year old.

"What?" I asked skeptically.

"Harry and Ginny are in Ginny's room with the door _closed_." George said pulling outthree fleshy strips I recognized as Extendable Ears.

"Nuh Huh No way am I spying" I said firmly.

"Why?" George asked.

"Because my lovely wife would shoot me because she is unable to make rational decisionssince she is full of hormones."

"What else have you got to lose? I mean she threatens to shoot you thirty times a day…" George said.

"I mean you won't be getting 'any' for a while. I mean you got her preggos." Fred added.

"What else have I got to lose?? Well let's see… my cannons poster I had to beg for, my first born child, my manhood!"

"Oh well if you put it that way I guess you really don't want to know what those two are giggling about."

I looked longingly at the door. Finally I cracked and grabbed an ear and headed for the door, Fred and George in tow. I put the ear in mine and waited for it to slither under the door. Finally their voices came into range.

I hear Harry speak first.

"**See Ginny it's much too small."** What the bloody hell was he talking about??

Then Ginny Spoke.

"_Oh no Harry It's HUGE!"_ bloody hell, bloody hell, bloody hell…

"**But it looks small with the green jewels on either side." **Green???!!! Maybe Harry should see a mediwizard.

"_Harry… it's perfect. I love the green. Does it run in your family?" _Oh my effing god.

"**Yeah I think my great-great-grandmother got it first." **What kind of family does Potter have???

"_Oh look there's even little red jewels around it!" _That's it I am taking Harry to see a mediwizard. That is entirely not normal.

"**But really Ginny. It's too small for you." **

"_Don't be silly Harry. It's perfect." _Okay that's it. I looked at Fred and George and they nodded. They kicked the door down and there were Harry and Ginny. Sitting on Gin's bed. Fred then shouted, "Gods Harry! It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean!" Followed by George shouting, "Yeah Harry it's not the size of your wand, it's the spell you cast!" Then Fred yelled again, "It's not the size for your dragon, it's the fire it breathes." Then they stopped yelling and we saw Harry and Ginny laughing so hard they had tears running down their faces.

"Harry…" I started cautiously, "Green balls are no laughing matter." This just caused them to laugh harder.

"What the bloody hell is going on here?" I turned around and saw my wife, Hermione. Oh gods this was going in the history books now. She raised an eyebrow as my Mum appeared in the doorway behind her. Then Angie and Katie, Fred and Georges wives, appeared too.  
"Uh" I said.

"Um…" Fred said.

"Harry has a male anatomy that is not normal!" George shouted.

Harry sat up indignantly.

"Harry's male parts are fine." Ginny said.

We all turned and stared at her.

Then Mum spoke, "Ginny how do you know anything about Harry's male parts?"

Harry turned a most wonderful shade of red.

"Well Mum…" She started. "He's my fiancé. I think I have a certain right to his male parts."

"Well I neve- wait did you say fiancé?"

She looked at Harry and nodded. All the women let out a high pitched squeal and ran over to Ginny.

"Oh let us see your ring!" cooed Angie.

Ginny looked at Fred, George, and me and said, "Maybe they can tell you."

We shook our heads.

Ginny held out her hand and on her finger was a silver band with a diamond in the middle, with two green emeralds on either side, and four small rubies, two on each side. I groaned.

"Why couldn't you just have said it was a ring!?"

Hermione gave me a very evil look, "Were you boys spying?" She asked. We looked back and forth between our respected wives and nodded. Then there were three shouts of, "I'm going to shoot you Weasley." And two bouts of laughter from Harry and Ginny.

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!Fin!

Haha piles of laughs!... Review!!! Please?

-lain


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